18.2.2026

my bad for the absense. I was listening to thelonious monk, hes an artist i love, specifically japanese folk song off of straight no chaser, an album that i love. idk when i listen to jazz its something different about it. i love matt ox bane is one of my favorite songs at the moment, but taht feeling when i am revisiting a jazz joint is different. with other genres i build memories based on the songs, but with jazz its like, im building memories where the song is like, supplementary, but still necessary in a way because its a much more visuo-auditory experience, like other genres engulf me to the point where im just vibing not seeing shit in my head, but jazz, it like grounds me or gives me an awareness in the moment, shit crazy.

yeah

18.1.2026

kai cenat just started a clothing brand and im not a fan. now, i dont know alllll that much about kai, i dont watch his streams, i didnt watch the subathon, i basically only knew of his shit through clips on reels and wherever else. I dont want to say that this endeavor of his feels performative, i mean, fashion is performative, its a performance of the convert world of the designer, or oneself, but i feel that there is a performative element in what he's doing, and that is novelty. passing off listening to frank ocean as novel, finding out about coldplay in the BIG 2026 is fucking crazy to me, picking up these grails that have been RAN THROUGH like omg the pic of him with the ccp jacket is genuinely heart breaking, its like, everybody else been on this, u not diff chile. and like, i dont give a fuck about him not being able to read people are making jokes about that whatever. but i think that kai as someone who's connection with fashion has been so surface level, its basically non existent, to the point where he was known as "bad fits cenat" before getting a stylist goes to show that he really aint about it. it all feels too sudden. also the clip of him on the treadmill watching a runway is so cringe inducing it makes me want to kill myself. when you're someone who has this level of reach and an audience this wide, your content will cater to that, and for that to happen, substance needs to be kinda flat, and this act of "imma call it vivet coz its like freedom or like independent" fucking i forgot what he said it meant is soooo like, where is this coming from? has he ever raised existential questions of this nature before for his BRAND to be named as such, popping in one day after netting a good 40 million from a subathon, acting like u got an awakening is so off putting to me. and maybe he was curious about this kind of shit beforehand, and didnt bring attention to it on his platform, but i feel like if he really was about it, if he really cared about it like that he would have made that fact clear in the journal that he publishes covering the whole process, or atleast been open about that fact in one way or another. i mean, with this being his self improvement journey since you know he made that story saying hes done with dating at a big ol double digit age starting with a 2, vulnerability is something i would expect, but something that isnt present. i love slawn, but imma be honest i dont give a fuck u got him on your shit, this another example of trend hopping, slawn is big right now, and god bless that man i hope he will be in 30 years, and so kai is like yo get him on my shit. baggy jeans were big a year and a half ago, bro was rocking that shit, now he rocking the hedi's. and its not just that he's trend hopping, its also that HIS STYLIST PUT HIM ON THAT SHIT like BRO U CANT EVEN PICK SHIT OUT FROM THE ALGORITHM YOURSELF. no-brain-cenat can not buy pants from an algorithm spoon feeding him a personality, he needs the food chewed up and directly funneled into his mouth. also fashion is gay, like im sorry, actually im not fuck all yall, but fashion is gay, mad gay, everyone is gay, besides so few people. the culture wouldnt be here if it werent for gay people, and having someone who is surrounded by people who say "no diddy" when they see gay shit, in the fashion scene is super ????????? like, the level of disconnect that he has from fashion can not be overstated, he's not a wolf in sheeps clothing, hes a brick in sheeps clothing, like just fucking stupid and uneducated in the culture, and i do get that he's learning right now, and i hope he does it right, but i just dont think he will.

yeah.

also pictures courtesy of yungstarbeam on ig ily bro

14.1.2026

lesson 1 from being chopped: ok everybody be saying it dont matter whats on the outside, its the inside that matters, im here to say that they are WRONG and also its way easier said than done. for the past year and a half ive been good looking, and people treated me as such, middle aged women loved hitting on me and im going to be honest i got high off it. now that im chopped, the market isnt in my favor anymore and looking in the mirror is truthfully heartbreaking, i wish this was something i could fix instanteneously but it will take a few more days, maybe i just got too comfortable, i do think i needed a little friction in my life, coz i cant just pause everything and wait until im hot again to resume my life.

yeah.

13.1.2026

i just got my wisdom tooth removed, like one of the four, and my jaw is SO inflated, that shit look crazy u wont believe it. and ive kinda been looking good the past year, like im up you know, so its a thing of like, im chopped again for the next few days, and thats a real grounding experience of coming to terms with that.

yeah.

12.1.2026

yo i was thinking about it, but like, whiplash is a movie about jazz, where the fuck are all the black people, why is it all crackers? like thats the same shit as a movie about the lgbtqia+ community without trans women or lesbians, where trans women famously were some of the strongest and bravest protesters during the 70s and 80s, and lesbians were incredibly supportive during the aids epidemic. like you can not exclude such a huge part of jazz history, "oh but sinatra is cool chet baker is cool" omg noone said they arent, but they are derivative of the blues, soul and cool jazz artists that came before them, thats an ok thing to acknowledge it doesnt make them bad artists, you just have to understand them within context, u can still appreciate them.

yeah.

6.1.2026

ive been blessed with a lot of wisdom the past few days, a lot of shit has been happening. Ive been thinking most of all though but like, you know im in a specific niche artistically, like my campaigns look a certain way, my art looks a certain way, everything i make, the clothes i design all look a certain way, but like, what if i wanna be bigger than that? i feel like a lot of the people that get a lot of attention in this space dont get mainstream, or like, not sabrina carpenter mainstream, but like, their efforts arent fruitful, and they arent accepted within institutions. you wont see their shit in magazines, posted by dazed, or id, to my knowledge atleast, fuck i hope they would get posted i hope theyd post me haha but more often than not, only the ones as the surface like rick, erd, helmut lang, lgb, takahiro miyashita etc are like successful in any considerable regard, outside this niche, other than that u got clout if u get 200 likes on a post on pinterest, someone steals and reposts it, then more people steal and repost ur shit, and they all get more attention than u. and yeah, u are known in theory, like peoples know your face, or work, but they dont know you, it doesnt translate to substantial success, within the industry, or outside of it. like im thinking that i wanna be making videos for my paintings and shit, but like those videos will need a hook, they will need to grab the viewers attention, because the viewer isnt looking for something like my art, they arent putting in any effort cognitively, i have to gauge their interest as the artist, and that takes away from the art, like i wanna make videos in a way that authentic to me and my aesthetics, i dont wanna abide by conventions, but i need to because i need to because i need money and fame. i dont want to be just another artist, i have a story to tell, shit to say, anmd i want to say that infront of the biggest crowd, but so do a lot of other people. idk hahaha but like, so many people want to do this shit, i dont want to be a fish in a pond, one in a million, i want to just be one, like incomparable, like one of the greats. yeah fuck i dont even know. oh my god writing this shit sounds SO CORNY

happy new year

31.12.2025

i love typos as like a cultural artifact. we all, for the most part, know what "wgat" means,, like its just what, and im 100 percent making a thousand typos in these blog posts right, and i could remove them for formality's sake but i dont really give a fuck. or like you're typing, and its qwerty you know, the keyboard layout, so instead of typing the words, you hit all the keys right next to the intended ones, so like this becomes yjod, like that been happening to me so many times i swear to god. and its so interesting too because its so new, we didnt have keyboards, you couldnt mess up words like that, like you would just fuck up the spelling, and to me, these is mad different in their essence. and like i just got a crazy idea im not goin tell all yall haha yall goin find out sooner or later, but like yeah, i dont think typos are mistakes, i dont think they're failures, like the intention was right, and the execution was right, but it was misplaced, the hands were misplaced, but if they were on the right keys then it would have been perfect, and i think this is just a testament to focusing your attention where its most productive and worth it, dont misplace your attention, and dont give your all into things that would return that 100 percent.

yeah.

23.12.2025

god music is so beautiful. it just captures the human essence i think, just the human experience, i think its timeless, not in its interpretation, but in its variability of interpretations. and i think that all music is important, like 100%, i think a lot of people can become elitist when discussing this shit but no like, i think nettspend, 2smiley, i think all this shit is as beautiful as franz schubert compositions. if god is real then they are speaking to me through music. all these types of music are allocated for different points in time, and i think the elitism of "thats not real music" is detrimental to the holistic human experience and the range of emotions and things that we can experience, writing anything off besides like heroin to me is really stupid i dont fuck with that shit. and i also dont think that the easily accessible means of music production at all deteriorate the heart and soul of the music, no im not talking about ai fuck those clankers, im talking about like ableton and fl studio, like, you can crack that shit and just make music. you can carve deep grooves into rocks that produce sonical frequencies. i think music is so beautiful because, if our ear drums absorbed sound frequencies in any other way then it wouldnt be the same, im just so curious as to what music would have evolved to be if our environment and our evolution was drastically different, like, what would the world be like and what would the music that would be produced subsequently sound like, not to our ears, but to the ears of the people who would have evolved according to that environment, maybe we wouldnt be able to hear it at all.

bro i just read this shit back didnt make any sense my bad hahahaahahah

yeah .

23.12.2025

if any blowjobs hiring let me know. god ive been so tired for real, i just have so much shit on my plate. ive been having some pretty interesting dreams lately no lie, i might be able to work them into my future work, that would be mad interesting no lie. ive taken some sketches down that ill work with for maybe some campaigns or paintings for choe.

yeah.

17.12.2025

god ive really been thinking about it, i like how i start every post with ive been thinking about it but, but like, i was listening to the life of pablo, by the one and only, and it really made me think how on point it was and how reflective it was of the time. like contemporary to 2016 it was culturally defining, the sound, the visuals, they shaped that year, and maybe the following 1-2 years as well. like the album cover itself is so adjacent to like gosha rubchinskiy's visuals and iconography. like that purple, the writing, compositionally how its laid out. its this deliberately stripped and like, naked visual language, and you saw that in high fashion at the time too. yeezy in the same way had a chokehold on pop culture, and that was ye, and he worked with gosha too a bunch, or wore his shit, so its nice to see how interconnected it is. but god, listening to that man's music is so crazy, like devil in a new dress might genuinely be the best song of all time, top 50 for sure its fucking crazy on god, like the electric guitar that plays before and after rick ross's verse is on the same level as Hendrix's discography to me.
as a result of this initial thought, i subsequently wondered a little more about my art, im making a bunch of shit, clothes, campaigns, paintings, buncha shit, and it speaks to me, and it speaks to the culture ive consumed and im currently consuming, but does it last. life of pablo still lasts, it spoke to that time, in ye's life, it spoke to 2016, but it still stands, its an amazing album, 30 hours is one of my favorite songs atm. but no, i dont remember who said it, someone said it, someone i love an artist, but great art has to be timely and timeless, it has to refer to a specific point in time but also be independent from it, to stand on its feet without it. in the same way, my art may not be understood, and maybe thats coz its different and not executed too well im not there right now, but also, for it to be great, it needs to refer to the contemporary climate, but also shape the future, and stand the test of time. how does that happen, how do you do that, and do you know how to do that, is that a question you can answer, or is that something that someone just knows, they have it or they dont. who's to say.
yeah.

16.12.2025

i was thinking about it and like, whats his name, heron preston. its like, bro had his own label, he got it back thats why i was thinking of him recently, and he like, would work with virgil, be in these rooms with these titans of industry right, like the best of the best, but bro would post a picture sleeping in a bently on ig in 2017 and it would get like 200 likes. and thats something that you dont really be seeing anymore. i feel that as things switch to being on social media, with ai robot bullshit too and everything, the likes and attention you get on social media is much more reflective of your success in the industry. maybe i think that because im still on the outside looking in, but idk. There was, not a kind of secrecy to this shit, in 2017, but a kind of unreachability, and as that barrier is torn down whats beginning to happen is that these positions lose that magic. like everything is so saturated now, theres a million more clothing brands than there were 3 years ago, a million more creatives, artists anything, and yeah you can succeed within a niche for sure, but i guess im thinking for myself like, how do i get on o32c, on dazed, i-d, numero, crash. idk

yeah.

9.12.2025

ive been thinking about it a lot, but like, culture is paywalled, like it really is. and that wall can either be like, money, affluence that enables one to indulge in the arts or it can be like freedom, free time. i feel in the same way that those two can co-exist or be derivative of one another, but that relationship is not always implied. you know, kids have freedom, they aint got money but they got all the time and freedom in the world, and so they learn, they engage with culture. I feel then that it is unjust when peoples be out here making fun of and shaming rich people - kids for engaging with the arts and culture, not because of like a separation from the struggle faced by the artist, that i can obviously get behind, but i was thinking about it more so in the light of like, well if someone has the resources to culturally enrich themselves, i think its best that they go do that. like what a shame it would be to be rich and uncultured, to have all the privilege in the world to consume art and not do it. we should by the way like 1000% call out people that are pretentious, or hold a higher than thou attitude when it comes to this shit, but besides that, like, all the philosophers and mathematicians and artists we look back upon from like 400BC in ancient greece, they were all aristocrats or born into rich families. and obviously fuck billionaires like thats not the level of wealth im referring to though.

funnily enough how this thought came to me was in the comment section of an enfants riches deprimes video campaign, or like, something along those lines, and i saw someone say that like henri alexander levy is a nepo-baby and what-not, i did some digging, his parents were rich, and its like, in that light, people were calling his work pseudo-intellectual. idk, i just dont like this narrative when it is so so so hollistic, like yeah its true a good amount of the time, take a jaden smith for example, but levy truly does know his work, he knows his audience, he knows how to market his product and build a world that engulfs the consumer, or whoever is interested in erd. now whether or not his parents are rich i feel is obviously important, because it gave him the aforementioned privilege to engage with culture and develop a taste pallet, but i dont think its criteria enough to label him a nepo-baby

yeah.

9.12.2025

i love temporal art, like thats why music is so beautiful, its much more of an investment than visual arts i feel. Its way easier to gloss over, skim over a painting you dont like than a song. I also think that in terms of the industry that temporal mediums such as music do a way better job at cementing ones place in a sphere or bubble, because of the inherent investment that comes with the consumption of music, which is time, where you know, time is money. Its like, the market cap increased the more people listen, shoutout music, i dont even make music

5.12.2025

shoutout my homegirl she always repping my shit she always cheerleading, thats my girl thats my sister

3.12.2025

i was up the other day working on my portfolio watching family guy, it was like 3:00am. honestly, if i didnt have that deadline that would be like the best night ever. like work, family guy, damn. that shit is so beautiful, shoutout family guy. i understand it now.